she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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