i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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