Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
