so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
