pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
