chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
