Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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