sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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