last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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