We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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