omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
