Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
