i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
