Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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