Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
