I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
