I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
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the room spins SO much faster in panama
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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