I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
