We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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