She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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