thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need water and some morals
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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