if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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