someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your cock deserves a montage
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
