it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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