You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
