Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
