what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
