Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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