me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize