dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
