i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
