my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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