I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
