dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
