Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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