he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
