I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
