Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
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You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer