Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.