Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness