WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
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I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
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Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.