Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
