The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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