My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
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you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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