i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
