my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
