I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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