Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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