We're facebook friends in real life
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
