Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
