If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize