I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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