No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
