i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
