Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
