Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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