my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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