He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
