I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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