I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
