I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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