i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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