I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
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would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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