There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
