and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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