so explain again why im purple
no
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
