He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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